Not too big to epic fail and other FNG (fun-n-games)

Wow, BOA.  Just wow.  I bank with them, I'm sad to say, and this has to go down as one of the greatest banking gaffes EVAR.  (Note: "evar" must be used when emphasis is on the all-time craziness of anything; it reminds us to span all of time, which is a lot, right?)  Some numbnuts, through a "glitch" on BOA's behalf, was able to withdraw $1.25 million despite obviously not having this amount in his account.  Despite the fact that he was massively overdrawing his account, he got to keep on keepin' on!  And guess what he did with it!?!?  Gambled it all away.  Now, I know Detroit is one giant den of slack as cities go thanks to the decaying U.S. automotive industry (and that decayed thanks to a few very greedy executives, but that's another time) and the fact that Motown is no longer responsible for providing Americans with quality R&B/soul music, but this guy is a total loser.

A couple of things come to mind for me.  First, just how much money ARE these casino ATM's holding, any way!?!?  Clearly, the only game this guy played and won at the casinos was the ATM slot machine.  He inserted his player's card (debit card) and won every time (collect winnings that slide out of that little spot or get dealt down into that magic little area under the secret cash trap door)!  He must have cleaned out these ATM's each time he went.  I have no clue how what the capacity is of an average ATM, but dayum!  He was goin' to town.

Next, how did BOA allow this to go on for what, 17 days!?!?  The second they even think my card's security has been compromised, it is automatically canceled.  I sort of appreciate this in the sense that they protect me from fraud, but could a brother get a better heads-up on this so I can get enough cash on hand to last until my new card comes?  And forget about me trying to buy gas in Mississippi during my move to NYC.  Suddenly, they were suspicious about my $40 gas purchase in Podunk Junction, MS.  Obviously, as a smart thief would, I chose to use my card at every gas station I stopped at from Houston to Mississippi so my trail would be easier to figure out as I hauled ass across the country.  Forget calling me to inquire about the situation, to ensure it was indeed me, they just shut the card down on me.  That was a hot-ass mess, peeps (BOA's customer service for this type of issue is not available 24/7).  But this dude withdraws over a million for a span of two weeks and no one figured this out a little quicker?  Maybe BOA holds investments interests in Harrah's or Caesar's or whichever one set up shop in Detroit.  Maybe it's collusion.  Hmmm....

Here's the link for this little oddity.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/detroit-man-gambles-away-1-5-million-accidentally-191619543.html



Maybe worse than this is this woman embezzling $10 million from the auto dealership where she worked.  Over seven years, she was raking it in and trying to live large.  Some stuff she enjoyed with the money I can get down with.  She went to the Super Bowl in Arlington.  I would have liked to do that.  But a Phantom of the Opera costume and wig fitting!?!?  You steal $10 million and you want to do that!?!?  Who even knows that's an option?  Still, at least we know why Acuras cost so much.  The owner acted like even though they can only expect to recover about a tenth of the money, he says they're still fine business-wise.  Meh, $10 million, no biggie.  We sell a few more TL's and we're golden.  If I were the business owner, you better believe I'm auditing the finances all the time.  Who doesn't check into all of this??  Oh wait, the guy I used to work for.  But that's another time, too.

Read about the accountant who must have missed her chance to work at Enron here.

http://gma.yahoo.com/high-flying-auto-dealer-employee-steals-10m-luxuries-171018665--abc-news-money.html



Finally, if you're a mom and you are doing this to your child, you should have refrained from having real kids and just gotten yourself some dolls.  To me, this is child abuse.  I'm sorry you didn't get a Cabbage Patch doll in 1985, but you're gonna have to chill on the funky hair for babies.  Babies are allowed to be baldish with their cute little fuzz.  Why do you have to make your baby into a micro Nikki Manaj??  No, just...  NO.

http://gma.yahoo.com/high-flying-auto-dealer-employee-steals-10m-luxuries-171018665--abc-news-money.html



That's all for now, friends.  Hope that made you feel better about your own lives and sanity.  I know I'm a better person for knowing all this.  Be well, folks!

Smorgasbord

Oh, folks, I have so many things I've collected recently that I just have to comment about.  Let's start with something that is a prime example of how humans exhibit more hubris than any other living thing on Earth.  Planes can crash!?!?  We still fly (myself included).  Driving drunk is a bad idea!?!?  Gimme the *hiccup* keys!  Some drugs can make you a face-eating, banshee-style wailing lunatic!?!?  And they're legal so they must be OK!?!?  Sweet!  Gimme the website.

Bath salts are all the rage and the link below can take you to some very interesting information about them.  I don't know why I'm so shocked.  We've been told for years that cigarettes contain rat poison and can kills us, but millions of Americans still inhale with glee.  Check this link out:

http://gma.yahoo.com/bath-salts-dangerous-drug-inccreasing-across-us-065109986--abc-news-health.html


Next are some fun items that contribute to the current backlash against a group of people who simply want to be given the same rights as other Americans.  Nothing is more fun than a kid who's about 5 singing "ain't no homo gonna get to heaven" and then getting a standing ovation.  Now THAT is having "choych," people.  Here's the link to that video.  Feel free to clap along: it's SO catchy!  Oh, this church doesn't condone hate, just hateful indoctrination of children.  C'mon, people, get it right.  Geez!

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/church-where-toddler-anti-gay-song-filmed-don-135427889.html



As many of my lovely readers may know, this sumbitch (that's how he would say it, I just know it) has a great idea for fencing in all the lesbians and queers.  What I love is that he says thinking of two men kissing makes him "pukin' sick!"  However, the thought of kissing him makes just about everyone, gay or straight, male or female, pukin' sick.  And I don't know about you, but when I get sick, I go for pukin' sick.  Go big or go home, as my girlfriend says.  Watch the fun at this man's church.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/pastor-delivers-anti-gay-rant-suggests-building-electric-142753831.html



The University of Texas has a school for pubic affairs.  I bet there is a wait-list to major in that!  I guess things like crabs and grooming are popular classes.  I'm not sure who ended up losing their job over this, but someone had to.  I'm wondering if a sneaky Aggie got a job at the printers where these were made and just couldn't help himself.  Check out these lovely programs:

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/university-texas-apologizes-pubic-affairs-commencement-typo-183616371.html
 


I know this is going to shock many of you, but Congress is getting dumber.  Apparently, none would fare too well on the show "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader?"  If you haven't seen the movie IDIOCRACY, just know it's coming true faster than we think.  50 years!?!  Psssht!  We only need another 50 or so.  Check it out:

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/upshot/congress-getting-dumber-184032926.html


Now, I'm one for everyone paying their fair share of taxes.  A flat percentage seems to be fair, but America just can't seem to get it down.  However, the French are leading the way with their amazing and Socialistic idea to tax the wealthy 75% of their income.  Yes, you read that correctly: 75%.  So when people are thinking of working hard to get high-paying jobs, they just say, "Meh, minimum wage is cool."  Who is going to go to med school over there??  Not me.  Screw that.  If I can just work in fast food and basically make the same as a guy who makes 4 times what I make, I'm gonna go all Kevin Spacey in American Beauty: "I want the least amount of responsibility possible."  I'm sorry, I'm not paying 75% of my money to any government just so they can spend it all crazy.  Uh uh.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/smith-baffled-proposed-french-tax-increase-god-bless-140144896.html


All right, friends, this catches us up on some of my WTF moments around the Interwebs.  I hope this made your trip to the potty a ton of fun!  Peace, peeps.